So I think I'm becoming cynical...

So this past Wednesday was one of the first times I was REALLY mad at the tourists here in the city.

Here's the story:

I had to run to the theatre after work to buy Broadway tickets for friends that are coming to visit. After getting the tickets (on 45th street) I decided I would go visit Fabulous at her restaurant, which was just about 10 or so blocks away. Unfortunately I made the mistake of deciding to walk down 6th Avenue - not remembering that that night was the tree lighting ceremony at Rockefeller Center.




Well the crowds of people were UNBEARABLE!! Seriously there were so many goddamn people it was ridiculous. I really wanted to try and convince the cops to just let me go around because I don't give a rats ass about the effing tree! It's just the same thing I have in my living room (only times 12). Needless to say, they didn't go for that.


Then at one point as a crowd of us are crossing the street and we get to the other side, this woman just stops in the middle to answer her cell phone! I was so fed up at that point that I actually yelled at her - legit screamed so that everyone could hear me that she had to keep walking and couldn't just stop in the middle of the effing sidewalk. I know it wasn't the nicest thing to do, but at least her and her husband will have a story to tell people that they met an "angry New Yorker" - I guess there goes the city's reputation of being one of the nicest cities in the nation (no seriously, New York was voted that - Google it).




So when I finally got to Fabulous' restaurant I told her that if we ever do any of these tourist things (i.e. Macy's parade, tree lighting, etc.) it's going to be from the inside of a plush hotel room where we are sipping on the bubbly and making fun of the people crowded down below.

Smoke: A Jazz Club

So last night I went to my very first jazz club. Now I must admit that while I listen to jazz all day at work I really do not know much about it - except that it sounds nice. However, seeing it live is such a different and interesting experience. I now can pick out what kind of instruments are playing what sounds in the song (don't get me wrong - I could pick out a drum and a saxophone before).


This place was rather on the small side - seriouslyyouwerethisclosetothepeoplenexttoyou. But there was not a bad seat in the place, because anywhere you sat you could see the stage - even if you were all the way at the back. There was also a really nice mellow vibe to it (not sure if that's just the nature of jazz clubs in general) and not a lot of loud noise. It was really nice when they started playing because pretty much everyone there just shut up and listened to the music.

All in all, I would definitely recommend going to a jazz club at least once in your life. :)

There's A First Time For Everything

So it's official.

I finally fell asleep on the subway and missed my stop.

The funny part (at least I think so anyway) is that I definitely was not drunk. No, I was on my way to work. All I had to do was go from the 96th Street stop to the 116th Street stop. Only a total of 3 stops.

But next thing I know I am being snapped awake by this bright burst of sun shining on me. It was right then that I realized I missed my stop, because in all my traveling underground on the subway - not once has the sun shone down there. However, the 125th Street stop (which is the one I had to get off at since I missed 116th) is outside - hence the sunshine.

This might have been a funny story if also on my way to work this morning, the bus was not 10 minutes late; I decided to skip getting on the bus in front me to avoid the "crowd" and get on the bus right behind, which that one of course was absolutely packed; then it literally took about 1-2 minutes to actually walk down into the subway station (normally it takes seconds) because there were so many people; miss my subway stop and have to get off at the next one = a longer walk to work in the FREEZING (seriously - it was 26 degrees this morning!) cold weather!

Oh the joys of commuting to work along with a million others and using public transportation.

"The World Fascinates Me"

Andy Warhol definitely said it best - "the world fascinates me." And it truly does. Seriously, I have decided that people will never, ever cease to amazing me because let's face it - we are all crazy somehow, someway.

Of course some people like to display their "quirks" a bit more than the rest of us do.

Take for instance this situation:

So there is always that girl that is just a little bit off and while sometimes she can be really funny, other times you really don't know if you should laugh with her or at her (come on, we all knew someone like this in high school). And not only was it the things she said that we interesting but also some of the "clothing" choices she so confidently decided to wear in public.

Fabulous and I decided one day to go to the AMNH (that's short for American Museum of Natural History - in case you weren't up-to-date on your NYC "lingo"). It was a rainy day so we figured why not - plus it is a really cool museum. Another spur of the moment decision we made was to see the planitarium show while we were there. So we buy our tickets and head for the line. Little did we know what was waiting for us in line... standing right there in front of us was this:

Yes, ladies and gentleman if you look past the two giant yellow balls (which I have yet to figure out what they are supposed to be - any thoughts?) you will see the girl wearing a tail. And not just your run-of-the-mill-cheap-party-store-cat-tail but a full blown, big, furry wolf tail (that's my guess as to what it is). Uhm.....what?!

However, I would like to thank this lady for deciding to pull this out of her closet and wear it for the rest of us to see - I mean how else would we have entertainment?!

I love FREE food!!

So Fabulous and I decided to go out to dinner one night...and we ended up at Spice Market. We sat at the "chef's table" basically - a.k.a. the bar right in front of the kitchen. Had a few appetizers and some wine (we always have wine) and overall just chatting away.

Then of course Fabulous sees someone she knows from the restaurant industry. And also of course it turns out he is a manager at the restaurant. Manager goes away and then... the free food starts coming!! A few more appetizers:

And then after that the actual dinner:

When the meal was over the best part came - a reduced bill!! Who can say no to fabulous food that you don't really have to pay for?! :)

Fabulous Night in the City

Ok, so New York is really about the only place you can have so many fantastic things happen to you in one night!

So first off, it's a Friday night. I met Fabulous after work at a new restaurant that just opened up last week (Aspen Social Club). We had a bottle of libations and a few choice little tapas. I am sure we could have gotten something for free if we had turned up the flirting a little bit with our very cute waiter.

After dinner we headed over to the theatre because we had tickets to see Mary Poppins (yes I realize it is a kid's show - but don't you have those times where you just want to be a kid again?). Our seats were decent - in the mezzanine and nothing too special. However, we had the most goddamn annoying kids ever sitting behind us!! First, it's the theatre so why they sell little bags of candy I'll never know. But these children I swear to you were eating their Skittles (or M&M's or whatever) literally one at time. And not only that, but I really think they were eating all the same colors together (yes, I realize it is dark in the theatre so you really would not be able to see the colors - so this is further proving my point). And then on top of all that they were eating the candy so loud! The ENTIRE first act was not enjoyable at all.

At intermission then Fabulous and I decided to try and find seats elsewhere in the theatre. We ended up going upstairs to the balcony and while I looked for seats Fabulous ended up talking to a gentleman who thought we were lost. Turns out he works for the theatre and basically we ended up sitting in box seats!!! You actually don't get a great view from there, but still - how many times do you get to sit in box seats for FREE?!

After the show finished we took a walk and ended up in Bryant Park at the ice skating rink. We were just enjoying people watching (especially laughing at the people who were busting their asses on the ice - yes I know I am destined for hell). The best part was that there was this guy with LIGHT UP ice skates and the best rastafari hat I've ever seen who was clearly skating to the own beat in his head. So one time when he came around the rink, Fabulous and I started dancing on the side with him - he then skates over and gives the last of the "calendars" he has. They were literally wall calendars printed on a home computer featuring our guy - Bladie Flowness. Yes, that was his name.

We then leave the rink and head to the Bryant Park Hotel (for the bar). There was a rather significant line waiting to get in, so Fabulous walks right up to the guy with the clipboard (who was oh so handsome), talks to him and next thing you know we skip the line and head right in!

All in all, one of the best nights in this city so far!

Does anyone cheer for the Knicks anymore?

So I haven't been in this city long, but I am somehow getting the feeling that no one around here really cheers for the Knicks.

Of course there are those die hard fans (what team doesn't have those), but every time I mentioned the team people seriously laughed at me.

Fabulous and I went to a game last week. We paid $15 each for our nosebleed seats (still a pretty good view though), did pretty much nothing but drink beer, get drunk, made friends and had one of the best times ever! It was seriously so much fun! And despite the rest of this city's opinion of the team we are definitely going back for more games (and beer of course).

GO KNICKS!!!

P.S. - I can maybe see why people in this city don't like them - we lost the game 111-110 to the Nets. But hey, it was only preseason - maybe there is hope during the regular season.

Number 3

This is by far the best subway "musical" act begging for money that I have ever seen.

No lie, it was a two man bluegrass band. Complete with the country accent that made you just want to slap your knee to the beat of their song. If you need some sort of visual, think George Clooney's band in "O Brother, Where Art Thou?"


Their instruments included a paper bag with their coins in it that was the tambourine (I guess) and a rolled up newspaper the one guy was hitting against his hand as a drum. All they needed to complete their band was a banjo player. They even wrote their own lyrics! The best line of one of the songs (oh they definitely had a few they sung - seriously - I can see an album coming out next year entitled "Subway Blues") was "Smile. It won't even ruin your hair."

These guys were seriously a riot and I hope that you one day get to experience their subway concert!

Something I've Never Seen Before

So this is completely random and of no real importance, but I decided I would share anyway.

For the first time in all my years of visiting the city and now living here I saw a woman driving a cab the other day. Not that I am trying to be stereotypical or anything, but I can honestly say that I have NEVER seen a woman driving a cab before!

Subway Crazies

So this will be a continuous posting of all the crazy people I meet in the subway.

The subway crazies (as I like to call them) are not only interesting for their antics, but also because...well first, it is a well known fact that New Yorkers are not exactly known for being the nicest people ever nor do ever really talk to strangers. Everyone just minds their own business. But these subway crazies make these I-am-just-minding-my-own-business-New-Yorkers ban together essentially. And when you think about it - it is kind of cool.



Subway Crazy #1:

This man was not necessarily crazy, but just kind of off. He was an older gentleman and walked hunched over. So we get into the subway train (which of course was pretty full) and crazy is standing next to me. It smelled sooooooooooo bad on the train and when I looked over at crazy... you could see a line of wetness down one of his pant legs. Yep, crazy had peed in his pants. Now I actually felt kind of bad for crazy because I really do not think he was all there upstairs and thus did not realize what happened.

But the smell was beyond horrendous. Seriously, I do not know if I have ever smelled anything so bad. The comical part of course was that everyone around him - we were all making faces together and laughing about how bad it smelled.



Subway Crazy #2:

This subway crazy really was crazy.

First, he tried to jump on the train when the doors were closing. So of course he got stuck in the doors, was yelling at the conductors to open the doors and then was finally let into the subway. He then proceeds to start talking at the top of lungs about who knows what. Complaining in general about people. I turned up the volume on my iPod to drown him out (my normal response to the people who get on the trains explaining their tragic life story and asking for money - I am not a horrible person I swear. it just gets a tad bit annoying after about the 10th tragic story, which of course is oddly similar to the nine stories before it..).

Then we get to the next stop - people get off the train and people get on. And the crazy (who was at the other end of the train car) gets back onto the train at the doors right next to me!! Aghh!

He goes into some rant about how we are all disgusting for standing so close to one another (meanwhile he is the one who wedged himself onto the train when there was clearly no room). Then he all of a sudden became a prophet or archangel or something to that effect and that he was there to save us. (p.s. - the entire time he is talking he has a cardboard box around one side of his head and an opened folder around the other trying to block anyone from looking at him).

The funny part was that these girls who were standing closer to him at the stop when he originally got on the train moved to the doors closest to me at the next stop to try and get away from him. Clearly that did not work out too well for them because he got on the train right next to them again. So this crazy was spouting off his prophecies or whatever, one of the girls starts singing (really well actually) to try and drown him out. It actually worked and he shut up (for a bit anyways). She then proceeded to ask the train car for requests. The entire car was laughing and some people even started to shout out songs for her to sing.

All in all, a very interesting train ride.

Spiderwoman

When I first moved here to New York I had no place to live. So Fabulous and her roommate, the One Man Boy Band, graciously let me sleep on their couch for a month. It was kind of a crazy system we had because there were only 2 keys to the apartment. Both Fabulous and One Man Boy Band work in restaurants so they were gone in the evenings, while I was at my 9-5 corporate america job.

The system was that when Fabulous left for work, she would leave the key under the mat so I get into the apartment when I got home from work. Then I in turn would leave it under the mat for her when she got home, so that she would not have to wake me in the wee hours of the morning when she got home to let her in.

Well one rainy day I come home from work, walk the five flights up to the apartment only to discover that there is NO key under the mat.

Great.

I tried contacting One Man Boy Band to see if he was maybe heading home early. No such luck there. I then tried contacting Fabulous. No luck either.

My only option then - scale down the fire escape. Yep, I walked the two more flights up to the roof (which had a gorgeous view by the way) and started climbing backwards down the fire escape. Not gonna lie in that it was definitely a little scary. But I made it to our apartment (thank god we leave the window open) and crawled inside.


It was actually pretty exciting times now that I look back on it. :)

Some Like it Hot

So my friend, we will call her Fabulous, had a moment in her life that was seriously straight out of a movie. Really, things like this do not happen to us normal girls. But since she is Fabulous, it of course happens to her.

Fabulous works at a rather upscale restaurant in midtown. One of her managers, Dreamboat as we will call him, was leaving the company. So one night after the restaurant closed all the employees stayed after popping bottles of the bubbly to celebrate Dreamboat's last night. Fabulous and Dreamboat had always had a big brother/little sister type relationship. However, things changed that night.

Basically when Fabulous decided it was time to drag her drunk ass home, she went downstairs to the office to grab her things. Unbeknown to her, Dreamboat followed her. As she opened the door he came up behind her and whispered in her ear "I want to ____ you." Well the man is named Dreamboat for a reason, so what girl in their right mind would say no?!

Moral of the story, Fabulous had that great, passionate high-heels-still-on-skirt-pulled-above-your-waist-and-pulling-on-his-tie-to-bring-him-closer sex.


All I can say - good lord I sure as hell hope that happens to me one day. Don't you agree?



p.s. - his girlfriend still doesn't know ;)